Is Sadiq Khan’s Tory rival for London mayor a Labour secret agent?

How else can Susan Hall’s dismal performance in her race against the un-loved incumbent be explained, says Sean O’Grady

Susan Hall celebrates being selected by the Conservative Party to run for mayor of London, at the Battle of Britain Bunker in Uxbridge, west London (PA)

One day, we may learn the truth about the historically underwhelming Conservative candidate for mayor of London, Susan Hall. Some years into the future, Peter Mandelson, or one of his cohort, will leak the story, or make a death-bed confession, that, all along, Hall was a plant.

We will learn, and then be not terribly surprised, that this apparent Poundland version of Liz Truss (and, yes, that is saying something) is actually a Labour mole, a sleeper agent recruited by the socialists to help destroy the Tory party in the capital, and the country as a whole. We may speculate on how this came to pass.

Perhaps she was recruited by a skilful female Labour spy masquerading as a client at Susan’s old hairdressing salon in Hounslow. The Labour secret agent and her beehive installed safely under the dryer, she would have engaged Susan in casual conversation, before bringing up the exploitation of working people, and how only a radically changed society run on the principles of social democracy could be truly fair and sustainable, just like a well-fashioned perm. Susan was brainwashed while she was doing the shampooing.